I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
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you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
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The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
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