Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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