Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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