As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
