All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
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how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize