I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
27 Hairstyles That Always Come With A Matching Personality
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises