Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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