I just saw a hot homeless man
my mouth tastes like poor choices
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
