I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
