Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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