White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
