ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
