I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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