whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
