Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
