no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
