Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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