woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
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No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
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You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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