We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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