I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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