I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
