Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I stole a fireplace last night.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
