In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Randomize
