I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
