If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
