We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize