omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
