soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize