I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
