I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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