So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
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It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
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Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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