Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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