I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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