Kareoke will never be a sober sport
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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