my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
