I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
