On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
