we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
