It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
