She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
