Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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