Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
wow bdsm is so cute
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
