I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
