at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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