Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
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Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
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There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
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