I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize