Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
