My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
