I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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