Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
