Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize