I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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