I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
