note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
