i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
