I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.