My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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