all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
he had hair everywhere except his balls