and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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