So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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